Moving On

You know, I don't know who wrote the comment, but I assure you it was not wanting "space" that caused them to throw me out.  However, of course, I will forgive my son, even though I am certain it will be a while before we speak again.  And that is okay.  This goes a lot deeper than "space".  Actually, I think there were underlying circumstances of which I was unaware before I got to NC.  Also, I am not certain that my son actually communicated to his fiancee/now wife, the same thing he was communicating to me.  But, it is neither here no there now.  I will be fine and they will be fine, whatever they do.  Life is way, way too short to get caught up in name calling and blaming.  It, like some marriages, just didn't work out.  I do think, however, that the parting could have been better - along with back pay, pay back for money spent for food for the bistro, or even the tips that were on credit card.  Silly, silly me.  It is okay, though, I will live without it.  Of course, I love my son deeply, I just saw a side of him I did not realize existed.  Certainly, we will both come through it okay.  Meanwhile, I am wandering again (luckily, I saw a banner the other day that said "all who wander are not lost".  That is good, because I certainly am not lost.  I was granted a great sense of humor and survival, so I will be visiting family for a while, seeing what I can do for them in exchange for their wonderful support and then returning to Florida to look for a job and find a place to live!  The insane part is that I will be in the cold from now through December (just the time most people go to Florida).  Oh well, no one ever said I did things in the right order.  Gina is enjoying the weather and the resident dog here and tomorrow I will actually start swimming again to regain what sanity I have left.  So, life, as usual, is pretty good - you know, there are always some little quirks along the way to keep us on our toes.  Thanks for checking.  Ricci

THROWN OUT!!!

So, how is this for an ever-changing present moment??  Tonight, I got thrown out of my son’s house.  Forget that I was supposed to be able to stay there for a month while they are away.  After all, the State of North Carolina is closing them down, so they have to go to Europe for a month!  And, they are taking four teenagers!  Here, of course, is the rub – what little money I was paid, was spent giving them a wedding shower, which turned into their wedding.  I might add that the girl who provided the house and another who helped with the food, and the guy who baked thee cake and a few others received thank you notes.  Naturally, I was not on the list.  Now they need “space”, because someone will surely die of overcrowdedness in the next 14 days.  It was okay if I was a working bee for however many hours they needed.  It was okay to decide (after I lost my temper and “yelled” (the forbidden sin), to go to a cabin with a friend (of course no “space” was needed then) for three days, without telling me that they had given another couple the weekend off.  I suppose they felt it was adequate punishment.  

The crux of this was that on Monday, I said I thought they were very rude due to the fact that they sat on a couch across from me, talking softly, texting and emailing.  The only time anyone spoke to me is if I asked a question.  Of course, the whole issue was avoided because I raised my voice.  Seems if you raise your voice, whatever the issue, no matter how relevant, it is nonexistent as punishment to the person yelling.

It also seems to me, that if you really don’t want someone around, you definitely will not take presents or money or anything else that one might construe as acceptance.

I never thought I would see a day sadder than the day Mike died, but today is because I just lost a son who is alive.  It is interesting, though, that I was all right until I became the mother-in-law.  So, I guess the rule is, when your son is getting married, ask the bride-to-be what personality you are supposed to have.  Then if you don’t have it, she can decide whether to take on the family.  Obviously, my personality is only okay if I am giving you something or doing something for you – and remaining quiet!. 

Isn’t is also nice to know that upon being asked to leave, no one bothered to ask if I have enough money to get anywhere!  Of course, they need the money for travel.  You think I sound a little bitter?  Perhaps  Actually, it would have been better if he had stabbed me in the heart.  Hopefully, while in Europe, they will observe the respect children have for their parents and it will wear off.

Anyway, now that I have gotten that off my chest (aren’t you glad you tuned in?) I guess I will try to get some sleep.  Fat chance, however, since I was up all night last night crying, and tonight I will probably be awake from so much anger.

If this is a test, surely I am not passing.  I will pack my car and drive somewhere tomorrow, but I will not be answering my cell phone because I do not want to cry.  Oh well, I guess I will have to learn to be alone somewhere else.  Certainly, there is much more humor in this than I am displaying at the moment.  (Like the fact, that I would like to knock Shawn across the room – myself, too, for not facing the fact that the excitement of a new marriage, the prospect of a month in Europe IN 14 DAYS were not enough to remove him from his self-involvement.  It is astounding to realize that as the mother, you are not worth 14 days.  Angry?  Oh yes.  The good thing is that I will recover, but I am certainly going to miss the person I thought he was.  Will try to add some more humor next time.  Thanks for checking.  Ricci

ON THE GO - ONE MORE TIME!!!

Oh, my friends, I said I would write more often as my life developed.  However, that blessed ever changing present moment has caught up with me once more.  Seems the State of North Carolina wants all of their tax money and the Bistro just doesn’t have it.  The economy affects everyone!!!  Anyway, the Bistro will be closing for good on the 1^st of November, the kids leave for Europe on the 8^th and I will once again be trying to figure out the next move.

As it stands, right now (and I say right now because one never knows!!) I will stay here while they are gone and try to figure out what is going on in my brain.  Since I have not actually been by myself since Mike died, this will be the chance for me to try it.  Luckily, I did not sign a lease for anything here.  So, after they return, I will go to Bay Village and spend December with my son, Scotty, his family and my sisters.  It will be nice to see them all again (and, hopefully, I can maintain my sense of humor while I am freezing my ___ off!!)  Just another chapter for the book, I guess.   Since I am (knock on wood) lucky enough to be healthy, basically happy, and have a great family and friends, I am sure things will just be fine.  I though I was finished with Florida when Mike died, but perhaps not.  I hate, hate, hate being cold; as you know, I also found I do not like the mountains and there was nothing about California that made me long to move there.  O, it could be that I was wrong about being finished with Florida (after all, I hold the world’s record for being wrong).

So, if anyone knows anyone who might need an employee – older than the usual employee; however, able to work circles around younger employees and in great physical shape, please let me know.  Will let you know, of course, what the next step is – as soon as I know – and will let you know how I actually am ALL ALONE, with the exception of 2 dogs, 1 cat and 1 hamster.  Thanks, as usual, for checking.  Ricci

P. S.  Today, (10/24/11), I played golf with two of the guys who come in for coffee, and had a great time.  Both very nice men!  Anyway, that was fun.  Now, of course, I have to figure out my life.  Well, one cannot say that my life is boring.  The only problem is that when I get up in the morning, I think I am 30 – that is, of course, until I look in the mirror to put on my make-up. Then I can’t help wondering what happened to the person I thought I was when I got up. Surprise! Surprise! Surprise!!  Next installment, soon, I promise,  Ricci.  

Twenty-eight years of living together & twenty year of wedded bliss

Okay, so I am finally able to write this without crying!  Today would have been our 20th wedding anniversary, because we lived together 8 years first.  My plan had been to renew our vows - however, you know how the "best laid plans of mice and men" go.  I would say he took and extreme way of getting out of it!  I'm just saying.....  So, now I have to move forward.  Tonight, I looked at a little house (about which, I am sure, was written, "there once was a man with a crooked little mouse...." because this house was really, really crooked.  I may have to work two jobs, but I will not be living in a crooked house.

When we lived in Columbus, Mike wanted to live where all the Italians lived, so he picked this house that was so little and had only ONE bathroom!  The kitchen was so small that on the left side of the sink, it was exactly wide enough for the coffee maker.  On the other side, it was about 24 inches wide, but the cabinets were so low, you couldn't even put a plate in a dish drainer - and I am not exaggerating.  The only reason I agreed to move there was it had a front porch (which I think ought to be mandatory on every house in America).  Mike pooh-poohed the porch!  That is, until I put furniture on it.  Then it not only became his porch - he never wanted to live anywhere again that didn't have a porch.  Well, after about six months in this house, I told him he was never allowed to pick the place we lived again.  Needless to say, he will not be helping me this time.  But, I will try to make him proud of wherever I place our "stuff", wherever he may be.

So, happy anniversary, honey.  One thing is for sure - there will never be anyone again who loves me as much as you did.  I hope you knew how much I appreciated it.  Love, Ricci

HAVE YOU MISSED ME?

Well, hello.  Here I am again!  Back in Carolina Beach and back at work - which, right now, is quite slow due to the season ending.  Needless to say, we are hoping it will pick up again soon.  I had a great time in Florida - visiting friends, playing bad golf and drinking.  However, I did find I do not miss Florida.  I found it very sad to see all the "stuff" that was ours together! 

Well, it is time to move on.  So, I will be looking for somewhere to live on Carolina Beach.  Until I actually move into my own abode, so to speak, I will not actually start living a real life.  The kids are great, but they need their space and I am certain I need mine.  (Though, what I will do with it at this time is beyond me .  However, I am sure I will find some ways to amuse myself!)

Perhaps it is time to rename the blog.  Maybe Wandering Widow Stops Wandering and forges a life.  Maybe I can figure out how to do this and lead some other widows on a happy trail. 

The biggest challenge will be finding somewhere I can afford that is actually livable!  I definitely need two bedrooms in order to have guests - and I certainly want visitors!  Living here in the winter will probably be quite a challenge because it was in the high 60's by the time I returned from Florida (where it was in the 90's) and I thought I was going to freeze.  However, I managed to walk the 7 mile walk on the beach on Monday morning and was quite comfortable once I got started!

So, dear friends, we are definitely starting a new chapter and I hope to amuse you and enlighten you as to how the Wandering Widow moves forward in her life.  As usual, thanks for checking.  I will definitely be blogging more again.  Ricci