On The Road Again - Although A Short One!!

Well, dear followers, I certainly hope your Christmas was wonderful!  Although, a little lonely and sad, it was wonderful to spend Christmas with Scotty, his wife and children, my sisters and their families.  Out of everything there comes a little (if only tiny) ray of sunshine!  There was snow on the ground, it was cold, but it was Cleveland, so it was normal.  On to Columbus and the New Year.  I have spent the last 6 1/2 months feeling pretty sorry for myself.  So, 2011 will be dedicated to travel and celebrating Mike Maratea.  With the tidbits here and there, I am certain that you will wish you had had all that time with him, too.  Meanwhile, have a wonderful New Year and I'll write again on Jan 1.  Thanks for following.  Ricci

BUON NATALE

Here it is already - Christmas Eve!  Actually, it is Christmas morning, and while a very happy day because another Christmas is here, a very, very sad one because Mike is not.  I am sure I have mentioned that his real name was Natale (which means Christmas in Italian).  It certainly was not presents, it was just that he really knew what Christmas was and loved to share it with everyone.  Not to push his own religion on anyone, just to share the spirit of the season!  So, there were 26 lovely, lovely Christmases!  So, very sad that I am, I wish you Buon Natale, Natale, wherever you are.  I love you now and always.  Erica

Watch Those Christmas Parties

A week ago today, my friend, Janet, was taking me to a Christmas party for Chico's employees.  She was trying to be nice, since I was going to be driving her husband, John, back and forth to work while she was in California visiting her new granddaughter!  However, that was not what was to be.  When I arrived to pick her up, she was having difficulty getting on her new boot and asked me to help her.  Good samaritan that I am, I said of course.  The boot was stubborn and Janet said I would have to push harder.  Unfortunately, I did exactly what she said, she lost her balance and we both went down.  Because she hit the rim of the bar stool, I was worried that she might have hurt her head.  Not so; when she tried to get up she said she thought she had broken her ankle.  "Don't be silly", says I -  "We're just old, and you need to walk on it!"  When we finally got her up, her right foot was at a direct right angle from her right leg. (Good thing I don't practice medicine!!)  So, instead of a party, we spent the next three hours in the emergency room, where they straightened out her foot so it would be okay until she saw the surgeon.While we did not get to attend the Chico's Christmas party, we did manage to provide a few laughs for those attending to us in the ER!  They actually said they had not had so much fun with patients in a long time.  So, I guess we served a purpose!  Saturday, they performed surgery to repair her dislocated fracture and she should be back in full gear in about 10 -12 weeks!  Needless to say, I have spent quite a bit of time with her, so it has kept me occupied! The ironic thing about this is that John's right foot is also out of commission due to achilles tendon surgery.  I guess the good thing is that the cars will get a rest!

The times she was napping, though, I was keeping up on my reading.  And speaking of reading, before I left North Carolina, Amy gave me a book to read.  It is a novel by Wm. Paul Young called "The Shack".  I can only tell you that it is how we all want the Holy Trinity to be, and, perhaps is, so,  I highly recommend it, and actually think Oprah missed the boat not putting this on her book club selection.

Now, all the presents are wrapped, half of the groceries for Christmas dinner are bought and the kids are typically wild waiting for "Santa"!  The only thing missing (and the best part of the last 26 Christmases) is Mike. Well, also missing, because Mike isn't here and they won't all fit in the Honda Element are 15 different Nativity Scenes.  He loved having a manger in every room and we got a little carred away collecting them.  They are safe, though, in the storage unit, to be used again whenever I figure out where to settle.

Almost Merry Christmas.  Ricci

P.S. Jamie, don't worry, I won't get caught up in and stuck in Cleveland.  A month of cold, gray and snow is quite enough of a reminder of why I didn't want to live here forever in the first place.  Thanks for the concern. R

Silly Me!!!

Well, I thought I was so well adjusted; however, I guess I was wrong (one more time!!)  Just when I thought I would be able to get through Christmas so easily, grief has reared its ugly head one more time.  Absolutely EVERYTHING reminds me of the last 27 Christmases.  This week I even dreamed Mike came to meet me at the theater - and he was in a red sport coat, tie, shirt and his ever present penny loafers.  And, best of all, he was as fit and happy as he was in the 80's.  One can only hope that wherever he is, he is that well and happy.  I know I said I would not be whining, and I am not - just expressing how much I don't know about the grieving process!

On the lighter side, last week I went to visit a friend and, of course, took Gina with me.  Now, Gina will be three in February and has been house broken for a long, long time.  After agreeing with my friend about what a basically good dog, she is, Gina promptly went upstairs and pooped on the rug!!  Just like children, they will make liars out of you every time!!

Of course, we are still in northern Ohio and I just want to tell you all that there is nothing about this lousy cold that is attractive.  It just makes you crabby!!  Talk to you all later.  Ricci

OMG - It's Cleveland and it's COLD

Yesterday, Gina and I arrived safely in Bay Village, Ohio.  We had a wonderful time in North Carolina.  Friday night there was a Christmas Parade on Pleasure Island (which consists of Carolina Beach Kure Beach).  The amazing thing was that probably half the town participated in it and the other half attended it.  It was a pleasure to see everyone enjoying it so much!!

Today, however, was a little more difficult.  Tuesday, it will be six months since Mike's death and it is ever present in my mind.  Last Sunday, I attended the first Sunday in Advent on CB with Amy and Auri and Simon.  It was a very nice service and I was happy to attend.  This morning, I went to church here in Bay Village and could barely contain myself because of the upcoming reminder date.  To be perfectly honest, I really thought I could think about Mike and not break down, and most of the time it is possible due to so many happy years. However, today was not one of those days.  Surprisingly, I guess, this kind of day will just pop up and the only thing to do, it seems, is to let it happen.  There just doesn't seem to be a way to express how much I miss him, but, oh, how I do!

On the lighter side, I really forgot how cold, cold, cold it is here.  It is hard to believe that we used to go ice skating outside in just jeans and hooded sweatshirts!  Today I even bought a coat for Gina because  the poor little thing is a Florida dog.  You can tell, because she wastes no time outside - it is take care of business and run, run for the door!  I  can't say that I blame her, either.  Scotty has been informed by me that he might be running a lot of errands for me so I don't have to face the weather!!

Staying inside will be great, too.  Shannon made a new guest room for me in yellow and blue, so I feel quite comfortable and at home.  My granddaughter, Emily, wants to learn to sew, so we will be setting up the sewing machine and testing my teaching abilities.  A purse is first on her list, so the first test might be a little easy.  Cross your fingers for me.  Thanks for tuning in.  Ricci

Holidays

Well, Thanksgiving has come and gone, and while it was lonely without Mike, there were so many people around, it was okay.  As a matter of fact, this is the thing about all holidays.  You think they would be the most difficult times, but they really aren't due to the fact that they are so busy and full of people who care.  Mike was great to have around at Thanksgiving to keep me company while I cooked (because he definitely didn't cook!),  He was always fun to have around at Christmas because he always had such an appreciation for why Christmas comes - and he always made sure I had wine in my glass while I decorated the tree - because his only contribution to the tree was to put it in the stand, have a Manhattan and tell me how lovely the tree looked!!

The difficult times, I find, are those which were so personal.  By that, I mean, the early morning coffee full of conversation and laughter; the evening cocktail hour full of conversation and laughter about each day's activities!  Even, the time when you find yourselves unable to sleep at three in the morning, so you make coffee, watch reruns of Law & Order, and laugh about not being able to sleep.  Yes, the bottom line is the times you shared laughing about so many things.  Those times were so great to have and, for lack of a better word, crappy not to have any more.  Just a reminder of the things we so easily take for granted!

Attending St. Simon's By The Sea last week served as a great reminder of what comfort there is in going to church; so much so, that I actually tried it at the Presbyterian church this morning and found it quite satisfying.

So, while you all are probably tired of this reminder, I must once again say - hug, kiss, remind those about whom you care of your feelings.  No one can hear it too often. 

Saturday, I will be leaving North Carolina for Ohio.  It has been a wonderful visit here.  Everyone has been quite wonderful, but I am also looking forward to seeing the grandchildren for Christmas.  Thanks for tuning in.  Ricci

Wandering and Wondering!!

It is only two days away from Thanksgiving, and nearly half a year since Mike died.  Seems impossible that he has been gone that long!  It certainly is lonely without him here everyday!  The realization, though, that I had 27 great years with him is also with me everyday!

It has been several weeks since I have posted, mostly because I hate to be a whiner! 

I did make some window treatments for my friend, Barb, and I believe she really likes them.  Also, it is very good therapy to create something!  Aside from the valances, it is always nice to spend time with someone who has been a friend for so many years!  It is also hard to believe we are old enough to say we have been friends for over 35 years!!

From Barb's, I drove up to Carolina Beach, NC, where my younger son lives.  Going to your child's home is also good therapy because they are always so happy to see you.  His girlfriend and her children are also delightful and make me feel like they are delighted to see me.

This is a lovely little town, right on the Atlantic Ocean and is cool, but not freezing!  By the way, if you ever get down this way, be sure to visit the Treehouse Bistro (run by Two Wine Guys at The Grind)!  A lovely little coffee house, wine bar and tapas restaurant.  The food is great and the atmospere is such that you cannot help but have a great deal of fun!

Last Wednesday, I drove up to Virginia Beach, VA to spend a little time with my husband's brother and wife.  The drive up was beautiful since all the leaves are turning color - and it certainly isn't something you see much of in Florida!  Aside from taking a wrong turn somewhere in North Carolina and going in about a 60 mile circle, the trip was just fine. 

My brother and sister-in-law were just as nice as they could be.  I know it was hard for my brother-in-law since Mike was his only sibling and didn't get the chance to see Mike before he died.  Anyway, we had a lovely visit, they were very generous with the wine and we shared great memories!

Back in Carolina Beach now, we will be having an oyster roast to kick off the Thanksgiving weekend (I don't know what an oyster roast is, but Shawn assures me it will be good - and fun).

Several things have come to me in the last week however.  One is that God surely does work in mysterious ways!  While in Lakewood for my 50th high school reunion, I reconnected with a woman with whom I had gone through jr. high and high school.  She became an Episcopal minister (and, yes, that long ago we would never have thought that would be her "calling"!) and is now at St. Simon's By The Sea in Virginia Beach, VA.  Well, on Sunday, I attended her service (and everyone should go once - it is a little tiny church - very friendly - and she is absolutely wonderful!).  After church, she not only treated me to lunch, but her church made an extremely generous donation to my journey!  I am definitely a very lucky person.

The second thing is that I find a am absolutely terrible at doing nothing (I am even getting tired of NOT working out - it seems I gave it up when Mike died - so December 1 is that day to return to that!!).  While I am looking forward to continuing my journey, I think I will have to find something constructive to do along the way.  Perhaps I will try to contact Jimmy and Rosalyn Carter to see if I could volunteer at Habitat for Humanity along the way, thereby killing two birds with one stone, so to speak.

So, thanks for listening, have a wonderful Thanksgiving, and be sure to hug everyone you care about.  Ricci

Five Months

Yesterday, it was actually five months since Gina and I lost Mike.  It seems like such a long time ago that I last saw him.  Yet, in another way, it seems like just a minute ago.  Twenty-seven years is a long time.  You really don't realize how much a part of your being another person can be.  We just take for granted that it will go on and on.  So, whatever else you do, be sure to hug that person in your life, express your love, and hope it goes on for a long, long time.  It is very lonely once he or she is gone!

Today, I will try to take my mind off it by making some window treatments for Barb before I move on to South Carolina.  It has been a while since I made any, so I am crossing my fingers that I still can do it satisfactorally. 

Thanks for following, and I'll try to be a little more cheerful next time.  Ricci

1st stop Siesta Key

89.1 miles to my first stop.  After sobbing all the way over the Sunshine Skyway Bridge (and having poor Gina trying to lick away my tears), I arrived in Siesta Key with my composure gained.  Lynn and Al were wonderful to me - treating me like a princess.  Sue and John were just as nice as they were in 1960.  Siesta Key is a beautiful place, but it doesn't have the fishing pier that is located on Sanibel Island, so I know Mike would not have missed being here!!

Al and I played golf on Monday and I actually hit some reasonably good shots.  He took Lynn and me to dinner Monday night before leaving on Tuesday and it was such a pleasant, relaxing evening. 

The next stop is Parrish, FL; then on the Greenville, S. C. to see my niece.  I wll be sure to let you know about South Carolina.  Thanks for tuning in!  Ricci 

Ready, Set, Go - Finally

So, dear followers, it is actually time to get this show on  the road.  It has been nearly five months since I lost my very dear one, and I have managed to be in a little cocoon, thanks to my friend, Eileen.

Now, it is time to get on with my actual life.  So, tomorrow morning, around 7:00 a.m, Gina and I will leave for Sarasota to visit our friends, Lynn and Al (whom I have known since high school).  Luckily, we are going to see another couple from high school there, too.  Actually, I have only known Sue since high school, but I have known John since jr. high.  When we had what was called "senior week", Sue had a date already for the night that was officially Sadie Hawkens night, so I went with John because my senior week date also already had a date for that night.  Anyway, a good time was certainly had by all.

This is a very exciting and, at the same time, scary time for me.  The adventure is such an exciting thought, but the thought of continuing without Mike is also quite scary.  However, I have decided that Gina and I will venture out and see what the great unknown has in store for us, and you can be sure we will let you know.

Talk to you soon.  Thanks for following.  Ricci

Return from California and Prepare for Takeoff!

Well, we have returned from California!  The weather was nearly perfect, the golf course was great; however, my game still sucks!  I just know Mike has cursed it!

Seriously, the weather was beautiful, and I am so lucky to have a friend who would provide me with such a nice vacation.  Eileen was great, but, the whole thing was just different (this was our third time) when there was not Mike to come home to.  The nights were actually much more difficult in California.  I guess when I was still in our home, there was great comfort sleeping where he slept.  Now, though, I guess I really have to face the fact that he is not returning.  Sometimes it takes a while for me to catch up with my emotions because it is much harder now than just after he died.  Another stage to go through, I suppose.  Gina seems to be much calmer being away from the townhouse - maybe I'll get there, too!

Right now I am making my actual exit plan.  This means having the car serviced (Monday), repacking my clothes (some for Florida, some for North Carolina and something for Ohio at Christmas!).  Ohio will really be a shock - it will be so cold.

The preliminary schedule is Sarasota the first week in November; Parish the first weekend in November, then on to North Carolina thru Thanksgiving, with the exception of a long weekend in Virginia Beach.  Ohio in December and I will fill you in as the schedule gets more secure.

Just to give you a little useful information - on the way out to California I read "Star Island", which received and really good review and was supposed to be "laugh-out-loud" funny.  Perhaps my sense of humor has taken a vacation, but I don't see any humor in a book that promotes the terrible use of people.  It appears to me that this story was taken directly out of the life of LiLo, and there is nothing funny about her poor little life!  So, don't waste your time or money!  (How's that?  Bet you didn't think you were going to get a book review along with everything else!)

Naturally, I will fill you in on the trip as we go.  Thanks for tuning in.  Ricci

Countdown

Tomorrow, my friend, Eileen, is taking me to Palm Desert, California for a week of golf and fun in the sun.  (Hopefully, it will be fun, because I have not hit a decent shot since Mike died!  Sometimes I am certain that he has cursed me from the Great Beyond because he is unable to fish anymore!!)

Although I miss living with him so much, it has been a great relief to be out of the townhouse. It must also be a great relief for Gina, as she is much, much calmer!  Certainly, being with Eileen's Yorkie, Rusty, has been a great comfort.  She has known Rusty since she was five weeks old - because Eileen bought Gina as a present for Mike!

So, we will return on Oct.. 23rd, and I will organize everything (which means, of course, putting more clothes in the storage unit - which, by now, is exactly like Fibber McGee's closet!!) and say goodbye to some very, very good friends!

Sunday, our friends from Briar Patch, are having a nice little dinner for me to wish me well in my travels.  They have been wonderful friends (and, no, Bre'r Rabbit won't be there!) and performed absolute miracles when Mike died to pull everything together for a memorial!

There will be other sad farewells and a difficult goodbye, of course, to my friend, Eileen, who has been a wonderful source of support.  She has opened her heart and her home to Gina and me and it will be hard to say good bye.  However, in order to find Ricci,, I must move on. 

So, friends, thanks so much for tuning in and I know if he could, Mike would thank you, too - he was just that kind of guy.  Ricci

The End Of A Chapter _ A Really GOOD Chapter!!

Tomorrow will be four months and it seems impossible!  Last Thursday, I finally left the townhouse for good.  It was the saddest day of my life because it was like closing the casket!  It was the last place we lived and when I closed the door that 27 year chapter was actually over. 

The only thing that made it at all bearable was that I had to restore the walls to the boring builder white, so when I left, it didn't look like we had lived there!  My younger son, his girfriend and her two charming children came to help paint and make the transition a little easier.  And, well they did!  You know, I have thought this for years, but the last four months have proven me correct - I have to really great sons!!  In addition, one's girlfriend and the other's wife have been equally supportive!! 

So, we are 24 days from starting the great road trip!!  A week from Saturday, my friend, Eileen, and I are going to California for a week to play golf  -  a trip that was scheduled and set up last year.  Cancelling it seemed like a good idea for a long time, but I think it will really be a good thing!

Now, since this is my life, there is always humor!!  Before I went to Ohio for my reunion, I decided to move my wedding ring to my right hand.  However, it was a little difficult to get on due to the fact that I had jammed that finger and the knuckle was a little bigger.  Since I managed to get it on, though, I was certain I would be able to remove it.  Nope!!  The reunion was in June, and I had the ring cut off my finger this Monday (October 4)!  The poor jeweler was having fits because the band was 1/2" wide and the cutter is made for the little, narrow bands!  It took about 30 minutes,  - and a lot of Windex when it got hot, but he was successful, widened the band and saved me from a certain case of gangreen!!!

While cleaning, packing, sorting and painting, I was so busy, it was probably very good for my brain!  Now, however, I am out of diversions, and have found myself to be very, very angry!!  However, I am working my way through it the best that I can, and am looking forward to the adventure with Gina.

For now, though, thanks so much for following and I will post you again when we actually start on the "road"!!  Ricci

Friends are "SO" good!!

On the 23rd of September, the movers came to take what furniture I am keeping, and put it in storage.  My friend, Barb came down from Akron to keep me company during this move!!  It was such a sad day, that I mostly cried.  So, of course, I called my younger sister, Gail, and upset her.  However, she was, as usual, great support! 

Barb was great support, as she has always been (since 1974!) and I was very happy to have her.  The next day, we were getting ready for the "great garage sale", and I was still upset and nervous, but Barb kept her cool.  She simply spoke calmly and clearly to me, as if I were just out of an asylum, and kept me going forward!!

Saturday, my other friend, Barb, came up from Parrish to assist with the sale!  They were such great help!!  Otherwise, I would have just thrown it all in the trash!  (To be perfectly honest, if I had to make a living running garage sales, I would definitely have to live in my car!!) 

The sale went quite well; probably 75% of what we had out was sold.  Of course, we were told several  times that we had everything priced much less than everyone else - which, I thought, was the point!!

Anyway, onward and upward!  The next step is to repaint what I painted in our apartment, get the carpet cleaned and close the door.  The carpet cleaning and door closing will occur next Thursday, and I am certain that will be another very, very sad day.

Meanwhile, my younger son, Shawn and his partner, Amy, are arriving in a few hours to help me paint.  He is always upbeat and will be lifting all of our spirits!  So, until, probably Friday, have a good week.  Thanks for tuning in.  Ricci

Dragging my feet in the sand

Hi Everyone!  You know, after I went to my 50th high school reunion from Lakewood High School (Lakewood, Ohio), and, after having just a wonderful time greeting old friends and classmates, I couldn't wait to get back to get this thing on the road!!

When I first returned, the packing was going great!  Even though it is a whole six weeks until I actually start on the road, the movers are coming to pick up the stuff for storage on Thursday.  So, I find myself finding reasons to not finish the packing completely because this actually puts the exclamation point on the end of the chapter of my life for me and Mike! Until this week, I just didn't realize how difficult it is going to be to actually leave the keys and walk out the door.  I just don't have the words to tell you how sad it is!

Certainly, those of  you who have been through this loss know how I feel and have felt the same yourselves.  It is said that the things that do not kill us, only serve to make us stronger, and I am sure that is correct.

So, enough whining!  Thanks so much for listening (or reading, as the case may be)!  Back to the packing!  Thursday, I will give you an update.  I promise not to become the "whining widow"!  Ricci

Prologue

You know, I have tried to write this "prologue" several times, but it seems so maudlin!  Widowhood is definitely tragic enough, that I don't want to make it worse.  Being blessed with a "Pollyanna" attitude, it really makes me feel better to see the positive side.

I had 27 years of a great relationship with a guy who thought I could leap tall buildings in a single bound.  And, since, we really do all have to go sometime, I guess I am lucky he never found out I couldn't.

He was good to the bone, also had an exceptionally positive attitude, a great sense of humor - and could do a mean jitterbug!!

The packing is almost complete - a very difficult thing to do as it represents closing the book on a really great chapter of my life.  While packing though, I came across about 20 letters Mike had written to me in the "beginning great heat" of our romance.  They were wonderful letters and served to make me feel so good to have had someone in my life who still thought I was the love of his life 27 years later!

So dear friends, while missing him terribly, I have wonderful memories and will try to make this journey fun for everyone.  Take care, Ricci

The end - and now, the beginning

Well, we have the real housewives and every other reality show, so how about something about the "real widows"?!  I mean the REAL WIDOWS, as opposed to those who are lucky enough not to have to worry about the financial aspect of it.

On June 7, I lost the love of my life quite suddenly (the end).  We had a wonderful 27 year romance, so I know I was quite fortunate to have him.  Until that day, I always thought I would remain in Florida forever.  However, now I find I don't quite know where I belong.

My husband was absolutely the nicest person in the world, but money was not his long suit. In order to live anywhere, I will have to get a full time job, so I better really want to live there!

I have decided to take a "road trip" and visit friends and relatives to see what I like.  There will be many things I have never seen in this great country (and, perhaps, some great golf courses to be tried)!!  Gina (our West Highland Terrier) will be accompanying me on this journey (photo above).

Movers will be here on the 23rd of September to pick up what will remain in storage, whereupon, I will go to a friend's until the 1st of November when I will leave for this adventure (the beginning).

It will certainly be interesting to find what fate has in store for me, and I intend to have a wonderful time finding out!

If you are interested, I will be doing regular postings to see how this works, and I would love to hear from any of you who have been through the same loss!  Ricci